The Villagers Approach

A PLAYFUL WAY FOR US TO SEE MORE CLEARLY WHO WE REALLY ARE.

SOME SAY we contain neurotic fixations and defensive structures. Others say we contain problematic inner family systems and dysfunctional patterns. While these approaches have their merits, they are flawed in that they turn us into problems to be solved. It seems to me that Walt Whitman got it right when he said we contain multitudes, but that's a bit much to deal with in our day-to-day life. I prefer to hone in on the parts of myself that appear on a regular basis and call it a village. The subpersonalities that take turns being in charge I call “the villagers.” 

There's wisdom in a strategic exaggeration of our villager's qualities. If we exaggerate, we know it's not really who we are. We can drop our crippling idealism and slip past the poison of shame by seeing our vexations as a shared human experience of foibles, blind spots and eccentricities. This practice has helped me lighten up and accept the inherent imperfections and limitations in human life while increasing my ability to witness without heavy judgments.

This approach is quite different than the “not knowing” approach, which has a precise and rigorous quality that can be too intense for many of our villagers. Even though relaxing with not knowing is something we could achieve one day, cultivating a gentle and humorous attitude might be more doable for now. 

We are moving toward “nondoing,” yet are still in the realm of doing. We could ask ourselves, If I’m still in the realm of doing, what should I be doing? How would I know? It requires an attitude of generosity toward ourselves, a willingness to make mistakes, to do little experiments and find out what is the best next step for us. What works best for me right now (at least for the villager now speaking) is bringing humor into my spiritual practice and everyday life —even when I’m just going to the grocery store or talking with others I see on the street. When I lighten up it gets pretty funny, what we humans do. 

We need to check in with ourselves: Which villager is running the show? Does this villager have the space to open to humor? Sometimes it isn’t possible and that’s okay. We can try later. For example, it took me a little while to acknowledge that I have a villager with the tendency to bloviate. Before, I wouldn’t have liked it much at all, but now I call that villager the "The Bloviater.” I notice when he shows up — just one villager in the village — catch him and exaggerate him. Relishing this exaggerated energetic dimension is a much more enjoyable (and hilarious) way to set myself free than, for example, primal scream therapy. 
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